Òwe on Friendship, Trust and Betrayal
Sourced Yorùbá proverbs on what friendship actually obliges, how far trust can safely go, and what betrayal by an intimate looks like.
This file collects Yorùbá proverbs about ọ̀rẹ́, the friend, and about the narrower, cooler category Owomoyela renders as acquaintance: people bound by regular dealing rather than by blood. The proverbs are notably unsentimental. Friendship in this material is judged by what it survives and what it costs, not by how it feels, and a large share of the entries below exist specifically to calibrate how much trust a friend has actually earned, as against how much affection a friend merely enjoys. The two are treated as different things throughout.
A second thread running through the set is reciprocity as a technical requirement rather than a virtue. Proverb after proverb states plainly that friendship is maintained by an exchange of favours, that it cannot survive a debt going one direction only, and that a friend who takes without giving back has broken the arrangement whether or not either party says so aloud. Betrayal, when it appears, is treated as the far end of that same logic: not a mysterious moral failure but the predictable outcome of trusting someone past the point the relationship can bear.
How this file is sourced
All proverbs below are drawn from Oyekan Owomoyela, Yoruba Proverbs (University of Nebraska Press, 2005), the standard 5,235-proverb collection . The book carries a dedicated section for this theme, "On relationships with friends and acquaintances," running from proverb 3275 to 3453 in Owomoyela's continuous numbering, printed on pages 324 through 338 of the book. That section was never digitised on the University of Nebraska-Lincoln's web excerpt The Good Person, which covers only the book's first part (humility, judgment, caution, perseverance, consistency, consideration); files 10 and 11 in this corpus drew on that excerpt, but this file could not.
Instead, the compiler worked from page images of the printed book rendered directly from a digital copy of the 2005 edition, reading each proverb, Owomoyela's own English translation, and his bracketed usage note straight off the page as printed, with full tone marking exactly as it appears in the source. This method was used specifically because a plain text extraction of this same digital copy has a font-encoding defect: the book's embedded typeface used custom glyph composition for tone-marked characters, and automatic text extraction fails to recover many of them correctly, in the worst cases dropping a letter rather than only its accent. Reading the rendered page images directly avoids that defect entirely. Where Owomoyela supplies a numbered explanatory endnote, it is folded into the Notes field and marked as his.
The literal line in each record is by the compiler of this corpus, built from Owomoyela's printed Yorùbá to expose the image his idiomatic English smooths over. The used when line follows Owomoyela's own parenthetical gloss, which in the book's continuous-prose format combines what a separate usage annotation and a statement of meaning would do; this file's "meaning" and "used when" fields both draw on that one parenthetical where the book does not distinguish them further.
What a friendship actually is
1. A kì í bá ẹrú mulẹ̀, ká bá olúwa mulẹ̀, ká má da ẹnìkan.
Literal: A kì í bá ẹrú mulẹ̀ one does-not with a-slave make-a-pact ká bá olúwa mulẹ̀ and with the-master make-a-pact ká má da ẹnìkan and not betray one-of-them.
Idiomatic: One cannot make a pact with the slave and make a pact with the master and not betray one of them. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Loyalty to two parties whose interests conflict is not really loyalty to either.
Used when: Cited against someone trying to maintain close ties with both sides of a dispute or rivalry .
Notes: This is the first entry in Owomoyela's "friends and acquaintances" section and sets its realist tone: friendship here is treated as an alliance with practical limits, not an unconditional bond, from the very first proverb.
2. A kì í rí a-rẹ́-má-jà; a kì í rí a-jà-má-rèé.
Literal: A kì í rí a-rẹ́-má-jà one does-not see ones-who-agree-and-never-fight a kì í rí a-jà-má-rèé one does-not see ones-who-fight-and-never-reconcile.
Idiomatic: No one ever sees friends who do not quarrel; no one ever sees people who quarrel and never make up. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Quarrelling and reconciling are both built into the normal course of a friendship, not signs that it has failed.
Used when: Owomoyela's own gloss: friendship and quarrels cannot go on forever, unbroken .
Notes: The two hyphenated nominals are mirror images of each other, "agree-and-never-fight" against "fight-and-never-reconcile," and the parallel construction states the claim as a pair of impossibilities rather than as advice.
3. A kì í ṣe ọ̀rẹ́ ẹrò ká yọ̀; ẹrò yó relé bọ́ dọ̀la.
Literal: A kì í ṣe ọ̀rẹ́ ẹrò one does-not make friend of-a-traveller ká yọ̀ and be-glad ẹrò yó relé bọ́ dọ̀la the-traveller will go-home return tomorrow.
Idiomatic: One does not befriend a sojourner and rejoice; the sojourner will leave for home come tomorrow. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Investing full trust in a relationship that is known in advance to be temporary sets up disappointment.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: permanent ties are to be preferred to fleeting ones .
Notes: The proverb assumes friendship as a durable commitment worth guarding, which is why a relationship with a known departure date is flagged as a bad investment of it.
4. Abánikú ọ̀rẹ́ ṣọ̀wọ́n; abánikú, ogun ní ḿbani lọ.
Literal: Abánikú ọ̀rẹ́ a-friend-who-would-die-with-one ṣọ̀wọ́n is-rare abánikú one-who-would-die-with-one ogun ní ḿbani lọ war is-what accompanies-one to.
Idiomatic: A friend who would die with one is rare; he who would do so accompanies one even to war. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Genuine willingness to share mortal risk for a friend is the rarest form loyalty can take.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: few friends will risk death by accompanying one to a war that they have no interest in .
Notes: This entry belongs with entry 45 below, which states the same rarity even more starkly; taken together they set the outer bound of what friendship can be expected to cost a person.
5. Adáríjini ní ńṣẹ́tẹ́ ẹjọ́.
Literal: Adáríjini one-who-forgives ní ńṣẹ́tẹ́ ẹjọ́ is-who takes-the-wind-out-of a-case's-sails.
Idiomatic: He who forgives takes the wind out of the case's sails. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Forgiveness ends a dispute more effectively than winning it does.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: to forgive is to be magnanimous .
Notes: The sailing image treats a grievance as something that only moves forward under pressure; withdrawing the pressure, rather than resolving the underlying question, is what stops it.
6. Abániré fi àfo ìjà sílẹ̀.
Literal: Abániré a-person-who-befriends-another fi àfo ìjà sílẹ̀ leaves room-for quarrel.
Idiomatic: A person who befriends another should make allowances for quarrels. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Entering a friendship means accepting in advance that it will include conflict.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: it is realistic to expect that a friendship will not be without occasional quarrels .
Notes: Paired in the book directly after entry 2 above, restating the same claim as a piece of practical advice rather than an observation about what is or is not seen.
7. Adánù ńláńlá ni fún ẹni tó féni, tí a ò fẹ́.
Literal: Adánù ńláńlá a-great loss ni fún ẹni tó féni is for-one who loves-one tí a ò fẹ́ whom one does-not love.
Idiomatic: What a great loss it is for a person who loves you but that you do not love. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Unreturned love is a real loss, and the proverb assigns the loss to the person doing the loving rather than treating it as a neutral fact.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: unrequited love is a painful thing .
Notes: Adánù, loss, is ordinarily used of money or goods; applying it to unreturned affection treats emotional investment as a real, quantifiable stake rather than a metaphor.
8. A-báni-jẹ-má-báni-ṣe, ìfà èèyàn; ẹni jẹ dídùn ní ńjẹ kíkan.
Literal: A-báni-jẹ-má-báni-ṣe one-who-shares-ones-food-but-not-ones-tasks ìfà èèyàn is-a-freeloader ẹni jẹ dídùn ní ńjẹ kíkan one-who-eats the-sweet is-who-eats the-sour.
Idiomatic: He-who-shares-one's-food-but-does-not-share-one's-tasks is a freeloader; he who eats the sweet should also eat the sour. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: A friend who takes the benefits of the relationship without sharing its burdens is not a friend but a parasite on one.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: people should not be fair-weather friends .
Notes: The hyphenated nominal names the freeloader by the exact asymmetry that defines him, present for the food and absent for the work, which is more precise than the single English word "freeloader" that follows it.
9. Bùn mi mbùn ọ, lọ̀pọ̀lọ́ ńké.
Literal: "Bùn mi mbùn ọ" "give to-me and-I-will-give to-you" lọ̀pọ̀lọ́ ńké is-the-cry-of the-toad.
Idiomatic: "Give to me and I will give to you" is the cry of the toad. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Reciprocity, stated as bluntly as an animal's croak, is the basic rule of human relations.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: reciprocity is best in human relations .
Notes: Attributing the proverb's central claim to a frog's cry, rather than to a human speaker, treats reciprocity as close to a law of nature rather than a negotiated social norm.
10. Ṣe-fún-mi-kí-nṣe-fún-ọ lóògùn ọ̀rẹ́.
Literal: Ṣe-fún-mi-kí-nṣe-fún-ọ do-for-me-so-that-I-do-for-you lóògùn ọ̀rẹ́ is-the-medicine-of friendship.
Idiomatic: You-do-me-a-favor-and-I-do-you-a-favor is the medicine for friendship. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Mutual favour-doing is what keeps a friendship healthy over time.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: reciprocity is essential in friendship .
Notes: Owomoyela pairs this with the following entry as a matched set on what actually sustains a friendship day to day, one on material exchange, the other on emotional repair .
11. Ṣe-mí-kí-mbí-ọ lóògùn ọ̀rẹ́.
Literal: Ṣe-mí-kí-mbí-ọ offend-me-so-that-I-talk-it-over-with-you lóògùn ọ̀rẹ́ is-the-medicine-of friendship.
Idiomatic: You-offend-me-and-I-talk-the-matter-over-with-you is the medicine for friendship. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: A friendship survives on the willingness to air grievances rather than to bury them.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: friendship is maintained by talking problems out, not by holding grudges .
Notes: Compare entry 10 immediately above; Owomoyela prints the two as companion formulas for what maintains a friendship, one covering favours owed, the other covering offenses aired.
12. Ká báni jẹ ò ní ká má bàáni wá ọ̀ràn.
Literal: Ká báni jẹ that-one share-food-with-one ò ní ká má bàáni wá ọ̀ràn does-not mean that-one will-not bring-one trouble.
Idiomatic: Sharing one's food with others does not stop them from getting one into trouble. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Feeding or provisioning someone does not buy immunity from whatever conflict follows from the association.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: you cannot trust people simply because you fraternize with them .
Notes: The proverb is a corrective to the reciprocity proverbs immediately above: exchange builds a friendship, but it does not automatically build trustworthiness, and Owomoyela places this entry to qualify the run of favour-for-favour sayings around it.
13. Ka èèwọ̀ fún mi kí nka èèwọ̀ fún ẹ.
Literal: Ka èèwọ̀ fún mi enumerate taboos for me kí nka èèwọ̀ fún ẹ so-that-I enumerate taboos for you.
Idiomatic: Tell me your taboos and I will tell you mine. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: A durable friendship depends on each party knowing, and respecting, what the other cannot tolerate.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: when friends know and avoid what friends dislike, the friendship will last .
Notes: Èèwọ̀ is a personal or ritual prohibition, often unique to an individual or lineage, so the proverb asks for genuinely private information as the price of lasting closeness.
14. Mọ ìwà foníwà lóògùn ọ̀rẹ́.
Literal: Mọ ìwà foníwà know the-character of-the-character-bearer lóògùn ọ̀rẹ́ is-the-medicine-of friendship.
Idiomatic: Knowing and accepting each person's character for what it is is the medicine for friendship. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Friendship is sustained by realistic acceptance of who a friend actually is, not by expecting them to be otherwise.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: mutual tolerance is indispensable in friendship .
Notes: This entry closes a run of "medicine for friendship" proverbs in the book (compare entries 10 and 11), naming acceptance of character as the broadest of the three remedies, beneath the narrower ones about favours and grievances.
The limits of trust
15. Ẹni a bíni bí, ńdáni, á-mbọ̀ntórí ọ̀rẹ́.
Literal: Ẹni a bíni bí the-one-born of-the-same-parents-as-one ńdáni betrays-one á-mbọ̀ntórí ọ̀rẹ́ let-alone friend.
Idiomatic: The person born of the same parents with one might betray one, let alone one's friends. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: If even a sibling can betray you, a friend, who is bound by weaker ties, is a still less reliable guarantee against betrayal.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: trust no one, neither relatives nor friends .
Notes: This is one of the bleakest statements in the set, and it works by escalation: it does not say friends are untrustworthy directly, it says even blood offers no guarantee, which makes the claim about friends a step down from an already low bar.
16. Ẹni a fẹ́ kì í lárùn lára.
Literal: Ẹni a fẹ́ the-person one loves kì í lárùn lára does-not have-disease on-body.
Idiomatic: A person one loves is never afflicted with a disease. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Love makes a person blind to the faults of whoever they love.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: one is always blind to the flaws of those one loves .
Notes: Owomoyela pairs this immediately with the next entry, both stating that affection removes the beloved's flaws from view rather than merely excusing them.
17. Ẹni a fẹ́ kì í ṣìwàhù.
Literal: Ẹni a fẹ́ the-person one loves kì í ṣìwàhù does-not misbehave.
Idiomatic: A beloved person can do nothing wrong. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Affection itself confers a kind of practical innocence on the person receiving it.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: to be loved is to be infallible .
Notes: Read with entry 16, this pair is a clear-eyed account of a cognitive bias, not an endorsement of it; the next two entries in the book immediately qualify it.
18. Ẹni a fẹ́ kì í tẹ́; ṣùgbọ́n ká má ṣàṣejù níbẹ̀.
Literal: Ẹni a fẹ́ kì í tẹ́ the-person one loves does-not suffer-disgrace ṣùgbọ́n ká má ṣàṣejù níbẹ̀ but let-one not overstep there.
Idiomatic: A beloved person never suffers disgrace, but he or she must not overstep bounds. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: The protection love confers on a person's reputation is real but conditional, not unlimited.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: a favored person retains the favor only as long as he or she behaves decorously .
Notes: This entry is the corrective to entries 16 and 17: it grants that affection is forgiving, then draws the line the forgiveness does not extend past, which is exactly the qualification "infallible" needs.
19. Ẹni a féràn ní ḿríni fín.
Literal: Ẹni a féràn the-person one loves ní ḿríni fín is-who treats-one with-disrespect.
Idiomatic: It is a person one loves who acts with disrespect toward one. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Familiarity granted out of affection is exactly what gives a loved one room to take liberties.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: it is those to whom one permits familiarity who take liberties in one's presence .
Notes: This states the cost side of the same dynamic entries 16 through 18 describe on the benefit side: the access love grants is the same access disrespect exploits.
20. Ẹni à ḿbá mu tábà kó yọ̀; ẹhín ní ḿpọ́nni.
Literal: Ẹni à ḿbá mu tábà the-person one shares tobacco-with kó yọ̀ should-be-glad ẹhín ní ḿpọ́nni the-teeth is-what stains-one.
Idiomatic: The person whose snuff one shares should be happy; all one gets from it is stained teeth. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Sharing in someone's favour has its own hidden cost, even when it looks like pure benefit.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: he whose favor one accepts should know that even the acceptance of the favor has its burdens .
Notes: The proverb is dry rather than bitter; it does not condemn the arrangement, only insists the recipient notice what they are actually paying for what looks like a gift.
21. Ẹni à ḿbárìn là ḿfiwà jọ.
Literal: Ẹni à ḿbárìn the-person one keeps-company-with là ḿfiwà jọ is-whom one resembles-in-character.
Idiomatic: It is the person whose company one keeps that one emulates. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: A person's conduct comes to match whoever they spend their time with.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: one should match one's comportment to one's company .
Notes: This entry and the next state the same influence-of-company claim from two directions, one about behavior generally, the other about a specific, narrower trait.
22. Ẹni bí akàn ní ḿhẹ akàn.
Literal: Ẹni bí akàn a-person like a-crab ní ḿhẹ akàn is-who gathers crabs.
Idiomatic: Only crablike people gather crabs. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: People associate with, and are drawn to, others who already resemble them.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: like attracts like .
Notes: Owomoyela cross-references two further entries in his numbering making the same point , suggesting this is a recurring formula in the collection rather than a single coinage.
23. Ẹgbẹ́ búburú ní ḿbà ìwà rere jẹ́.
Literal: Ẹgbẹ́ búburú bad company ní ḿbà ìwà rere jẹ́ is-what spoils good character.
Idiomatic: Bad company ruins good character. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Associating with people of poor character corrupts one's own, regardless of one's own prior standing.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: the reputation of one's company rubs off on one .
Notes: This entry states as a general moral claim what entry 21 states as a claim about resemblance; the book places them adjacently as two framings of the same worry about influence through company.
24. Ìgi à ḿbá fẹ̀hìntì lẹ́gùn-ún; ẹni à ḿbá fọ̀hàn ḿkàjọ́ ẹni.
Literal: Ìgi à ḿbá fẹ̀hìntì the-tree one would lean-on lẹ́gùn-ún has-thorns ẹni à ḿbá fọ̀hàn the-person one would confide-in ḿkàjọ́ ẹni is-spreading evil-stories-of one.
Idiomatic: The tree one would lean on has thorns; the person one would confide in is spreading evil stories about one. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: The very people a person would naturally turn to for support or confidence are shown, on inspection, to be unreliable or actively hostile.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: there is no one to trust but oneself .
Notes: The two images, the thorned tree and the gossiping confidant, are structurally identical: both name something reached for as support that turns out to injure instead, which is the proverb's whole argument compressed into two clauses.
25. Ìgi tó tó erin lerin ḿfarañ rọ̀.
Literal: Ìgi tó tó erin a-tree that is-as-mighty-as an-elephant lerin ḿfarañ rọ̀ is-what the-elephant leans on.
Idiomatic: It is a tree that is as mighty as the elephant that the elephant leans on. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Reliance should be placed only on a support genuinely strong enough to bear the weight put on it.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: one should seek a worthy enough person to rely on .
Notes: Read directly after entry 24's warning that reliable-looking supports can be thorned or treacherous, this entry supplies the positive instruction: the standard for trust should match the size of what is being trusted with.
26. Ìsúnmọ́ni nìmọ̀ni; èèyàn gbé ọ̀kèèrè níyì.
Literal: Ìsúnmọ́ni closeness-to-one nìmọ̀ni is-what-makes-one-known èèyàn gbé ọ̀kèèrè níyì people who-live afar have regard.
Idiomatic: One knows a person by being close to the person; those who live afar enjoy high regard. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Distance flatters a reputation; only proximity reveals what someone is actually like.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: one's true nature reveals itself at close quarters .
Notes: The proverb explains why an acquaintance's esteem can outrun a close friend's, without treating either judgment as simply mistaken: they are measuring from different distances.
27. Ìwà à jọ ìwà ní ńjẹ́ ọ̀rẹ́ jọ ọ̀rẹ́.
Literal: Ìwà à jọ ìwà character that resembles character ní ńjẹ́ ọ̀rẹ́ jọ ọ̀rẹ́ is-what-makes friend resemble friend.
Idiomatic: Compatibility of character means compatibility in friendship. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Friendship succeeds only where the two people involved are already alike in habits and disposition.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: friendship succeeds only when the friends are compatible in their habits .
Notes: This entry states the condition for a friendship's success directly, functioning almost as this section's thesis statement, and the book positions related entries around it accordingly.
Betrayal, false friends and the friend who costs too much
28. Ọ̀rẹ́ ọdún mẹ́ta ò ṣéé finú hàn tán; Júdáàsì-í bá Jésù ṣọ̀rẹ́ ọdún mẹ́ta, ó ta á níjàǹbá.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ ọdún mẹ́ta a-friend-of years three ò ṣéé finú hàn tán is-not-fit-to be-shown-one's-inside completely Júdáàsì-í bá Jésù ṣọ̀rẹ́ ọdún mẹ́ta Judas with Jesus was-friends years three ó ta á níjàǹbá he sold him into-betrayal.
Idiomatic: A friend of three years is not to be trusted completely; Judas was a friend to Jesus for three years, yet he played him false. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Length of acquaintance is not proof against eventual betrayal, however long it has already lasted.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: never place your complete trust in a friend, no matter how long your friendship .
Notes: Owomoyela prints the Judas reference as part of the proverb's own bracketed gloss rather than as the compiler's addition, which makes this entry direct evidence of a biblical reference naturalised into the oral proverb tradition; this corpus flags such cases rather than silently treating them as indigenous in origin, following the practice already set in yoruba-owe-proverbs and file 10.
29. Òré díẹ̀, ọ̀tá díẹ̀, ní ńṣe ikú pani.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ díẹ̀ friendship a-little ọ̀tá díẹ̀ enmity a-little ní ńṣe ikú pani is-what causes death to-kill-one.
Idiomatic: A little friendship, a little enmity, is what kills people. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: A relationship that swings unpredictably between friendliness and hostility is more dangerous than a stable one in either direction.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: intermittent friendship does not make for peace of mind .
Notes: The proverb's force is in its symmetry: it does not blame enmity alone but names the alternation itself, friendship and enmity taken in small, unstable doses, as the lethal condition.
30. Ọ̀rẹ́ ẹkẹ́, ẹkẹ́ ọ̀rẹ́; olè, olè.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ ẹkẹ́ a-friend fraud ẹkẹ́ ọ̀rẹ́ fraud friend olè, olè thief, thief.
Idiomatic: A false friend, a friendly fraud: both are like thieves. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: A friend who deceives is, functionally, no different from an outright thief.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: never have anything to do with friends who prove false and frauds who act friendly .
Notes: The chiasmus, ọ̀rẹ́ ẹkẹ́, ẹkẹ́ ọ̀rẹ́, reverses the same two words around each other, formally enacting the proverb's claim that the false friend and the friendly fraud are the same figure seen from two sides.
31. Ọ̀rẹ́ ẹni ní ḿmúni rú ẹrù ọ̀tá ẹni.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ ẹni one's-friend ní ḿmúni rú ẹrù ọ̀tá ẹni is-who makes-one carry load of-one's-enemy.
Idiomatic: It is a friend that makes one carry an enemy's load. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Obligations owed to a friend can end up serving an enemy's interest, without the friend intending betrayal.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: obligations one owes a friend may sometimes entail doing things one would otherwise not contemplate .
Notes: The proverb does not accuse the friend of treachery; the harm here runs through ordinary loyalty rather than through malice, which makes it a different kind of caution than the false-friend proverbs around it.
32. Ọ̀rẹ́ ò fẹ́ ẹlẹ́ta, ẹlẹ́jì lọ̀rẹ́ gbà.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ ò fẹ́ ẹlẹ́ta friendship does-not want a-third-party ẹlẹ́jì lọ̀rẹ́ gbà a-second-party is-what friendship accepts.
Idiomatic: Friendship does not accommodate a third person; it accommodates only a second person. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Close friendship is structurally a relationship between two, and a third party changes its character.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss, in essence: two is company, three is confusion .
Notes: The proverb makes a numerical claim about the form of friendship itself, not merely an observation about jealousy, treating the two-person structure as definitional rather than as one common arrangement among others.
33. Ọ̀rẹ́ ò fẹ́ irọ́; awo ò fẹ́ ìtànjẹ.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ ò fẹ́ irọ́ friendship does-not want lies awo ò fẹ́ ìtànjẹ a-secret-covenant does-not want deceit.
Idiomatic: Friendship does not brook lying; secret covenants do not brook deceit. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Honesty is not merely desirable in friendship, it is a condition the relationship cannot survive without.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: always be true and honest in your dealings with those close to you .
Notes: Awo, here a secret covenant or confidence shared between intimates, is treated as functionally the same category as friendship, both requiring the same non-negotiable honesty.
34. Ọ̀rẹ́ pò; ìwà àti ìkà inú-u wọn ò dọ́gba.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ pò friends are-plentiful ìwà àti ìkà inú-u wọn ò dọ́gba their-character and their-inner-wickedness are-not equal.
Idiomatic: Friends abound, but their character and their wickedness are very different. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Having many friends is not the same as having many trustworthy ones; the two things do not scale together.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: friendship does not mean compatibility or mutual good will .
Notes: The proverb directly qualifies the number of a person's friends as evidence of anything, cutting against any easy equation of popularity with worth.
35. Ọ̀rẹ́ purọ́ kan, ẹ̀mí pàkan; ọ̀rẹ́ ní kí ngbé apá ejò lájà, mo ní kó gbé itan ẹja ní pẹpẹ.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ purọ́ kan my-friend engaged-in-a-deception ẹ̀mí pàkan I countered-with-my-own ọ̀rẹ́ ní kí ngbé apá ejò lájà my-friend said I-should-take the-arm-of-a-snake on-his-rafters mo ní kó gbé itan ẹja ní pẹpẹ I said he-should-take the-thigh-of-a-fish on-my-shelf.
Idiomatic: My friend engaged in some deviousness, and I responded with my own deviousness; my friend told me to help myself to the arm of a snake on his rafters, and I asked him to help himself to the thigh of a fish on my shelf. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Match cunning with cunning; do not let a friend's manipulation go unanswered.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: one should meet cunning with cunning .
Notes: Both offers are nonsensical, a snake has no arm and a fish no thigh, and the joke is that the two friends are trading equally empty, equally insincere favours, which is the proverb's whole picture of the exchange.
36. Ọ̀rẹ́ tí àkàrà ḿbá epo ṣe ò kéré.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ tí àkàrà ḿbá epo ṣe the-friendship that bean-fritters keep with palm-oil ò kéré is-not small.
Idiomatic: The friendship that àkàrà maintains with palm oil is not something to take lightly. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Some friendships are so constant and so essential to how each party functions that they should not be treated as casual.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: said of friendship that is obsessive and problematic .
Notes: Àkàrà, black-eyed-bean fritters, are fried in palm oil, so the pairing named is a real, everyday culinary constant, and the proverb uses that ordinary inseparability as a slightly wary image rather than a purely admiring one.
37. Ẹrú kan ní ḿmúni bú ìgba ẹrú.
Literal: Ẹrú kan a-single slave ní ḿmúni bú ìgba ẹrú is-who makes-one insult two-hundred slaves.
Idiomatic: A single slave causes one to insult two hundred slaves. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: The misconduct of one member of a group taints how the whole group is treated afterward.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: the misbehavior of one member of a group brings dishonor to all members of the group .
Notes: Owomoyela cross-references another entry making the identical point ; the proverb extends the friend/acquaintance material into group reputation, a natural bridge to this corpus's file 16 on community and mutual obligation.
38. Ẹran ní ḿmúni jẹ idin; ọ̀rẹ́ ẹni ní ḿmúni ru ẹrù ọ̀tá ẹni.
Literal: Ẹran ní ḿmúni jẹ idin meat is-what makes-one eat maggots ọ̀rẹ́ ẹni ní ḿmúni ru ẹrù ọ̀tá ẹni one's-friend is-who makes-one carry load of-one's-enemy.
Idiomatic: It is meat that makes one eat maggots; it is one's friend that makes one carry an enemy's load. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: To keep something valuable, one has to tolerate the unpleasant thing that comes attached to it.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: to please those one likes and respects, one often has to do things one finds distasteful .
Notes: The meat-and-maggots image and the friend-and-enemy's-load image are set side by side as two instances of the same structure, a valued thing carrying an unwanted cost bundled into it, which the proverb states without resolving whether the cost is worth it.
39. Kò sí ohun tó dùn bí ọ̀rẹ́ òtítọ́; kò sí ibi tí a lè fi wé ilé ẹni.
Literal: Kò sí ohun tó dùn bí ọ̀rẹ́ òtítọ́ there-is-nothing that is-pleasant like true friend kò sí ibi tí a lè fi wé ilé ẹni there-is-no place that one can compare-to one's-own home.
Idiomatic: There is nothing quite as pleasing as true friendship; there is no place comparable to one's own home. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Genuine friendship, like one's own home, is set apart as a category of good that has no substitute.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: true friendship is a rare blessing, and one's home is one's paradise .
Notes: Pairing friendship with home in a single proverb ranks the former alongside this corpus's central image for belonging (see file 10 on the ilé as both building and lineage), suggesting a true friend is understood as a second, chosen version of that same anchor.
40. Kì-í-jẹ-ilá-kì-í-jẹ-ìlasa: ilé è ní ńgbé.
Literal: Kì-í-jẹ-ilá-kì-í-jẹ-ìlasa he-will-not-eat-okro-and-he-will-not-eat-okro-leaves ilé è ní ńgbé his-own home is-where-he lives.
Idiomatic: He-will-not-eat-okro-and-he-will-not-eat-okro-leaves keeps to his or her own home. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Someone who refuses to eat, or by extension to do, what everyone around them does will end up isolated, alone in their own house.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: a person who will not do what others do will have no one for company .
Notes: The compressed hyphenated nominal packs an entire refusal, of two closely related, ordinary foods, into a nickname, a construction this corpus has noted repeatedly in files 10 and 11 as characteristic of this proverb type.
41. Ọjọ́ tó bá burú là ḿmọ ẹni tó féni.
Literal: Ọjọ́ tó bá burú the-day that is-bad là ḿmọ ẹni tó féni is-when one-knows the-one-who loves-one.
Idiomatic: It is on bitter days that one knows who loves one. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Genuine affection is revealed by conduct in hardship, not by conduct in comfort.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss, in essence: a friend in need is a true friend .
Notes: Compare entry 42 immediately below, which makes the identical claim by inverting it: this entry says hardship reveals love, the next says hardship is what one should actively wish for in order to find out who is loyal.
42. Ọ̀ràn ṣẹni wò, ká mọ ẹni tó féni.
Literal: Ọ̀ràn ṣẹni wò let-trouble befall-one ká mọ ẹni tó féni so-that-one may-know the-one-who loves-one.
Idiomatic: Misfortune should befall one so one might know who really loves one. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: True friends can only be identified through trouble, so trouble, in a sense, has diagnostic value.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: we know our true friends only when we are in trouble .
Notes: Placed immediately after entry 41, this entry pushes the same claim further, phrasing misfortune almost as something to be wished for rather than merely endured, purely for what it reveals.
43. Ọ̀rẹ́ abánikú ṣọ̀wọ́n.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ abánikú a-friend-who-would-die-with-one ṣọ̀wọ́n is-rare.
Idiomatic: Friends who will die with one are rare. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: The rarest and most demanding form of loyalty, willingness to die alongside a friend, should not be expected as the ordinary standard.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: do not expect a friend to die for you or with you .
Notes: A shorter restatement of entry 4 above, and Owomoyela's own placement of both entries in the same section without merging them suggests the proverb circulated in more than one length or phrasing.
44. Ọ̀rẹ́ alábẹ́rẹ́ kì í gbé ọ̀tún.
Literal: Ọ̀rẹ́ alábẹ́rẹ́ the-friend-of a-needle-owner kì í gbé ọ̀tún does-not sit at-the-right.
Idiomatic: The friend of a needle wielder does not sit to his or her right. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: A prudent friend adjusts their own position to accommodate a friend's particular habits or hazards, rather than expecting the friend to change.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: one should know, and allow for, the idiosyncrasies of one's close friends .
Notes: The image is entirely practical, sitting out of range of a needle-wielding friend's working hand, and the proverb generalises from this one physical precaution to the whole practice of accommodating a friend's quirks.
45. Réré ojú; ojú ni afẹ́ni, sùtì lẹ́hìn.
Literal: Réré ojú far-off is-the-eye ojú ni afẹ́ni eye is-affection sùtì lẹ́hìn muttering-abuse is-behind.
Idiomatic: Friendship that depends on presence offers friendship in one's presence but despises one when one is absent. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Affection displayed only face to face, and withdrawn once a person is out of sight, is not real friendship.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: friendship that does not persist in one's absence is not worth much .
Notes: The proverb is precise about where the failure occurs: not in the presence of the friend, where the performance holds up, but specifically in the gap created by absence, which is where its worth is actually tested.
46. Ṣàṣà èèyàn ní ḿféni lẹ́hìn bí a ò sí nílé; tajá teran ní ḿféni lójú ẹni.
Literal: Ṣàṣà èèyàn few people ní ḿféni lẹ́hìn is-who love-one behind bí a ò sí nílé when one is-not at-home tajá teran every-dog-and-goat ní ḿféni lójú ẹni is-who loves-one in-the-eye of-one.
Idiomatic: Few people love one when one is absent; every dog and goat loves one when one is present. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Affection shown only to a person's face is common and cheap; loyalty maintained behind a person's back is rare and valuable.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: never trust that those who show you affection in your presence will express the same sentiments in your absence .
Notes: Naming dogs and goats, animals proverbially eager and undiscriminating in their attention, as the standard for face-to-face affection deliberately cheapens that kind of loyalty before the proverb even states its point.
47. Pòpóòrò àtẹ̀sí kì í ba olóko dìgbàro.
Literal: Pòpóòrò àtẹ̀sí last-year's cornstalk kì í ba olóko dìgbàro does-not with the-farmer stand-erect.
Idiomatic: Last year's cornstalk will not stand erect as long as the farmer. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Even the closest companions eventually part ways as circumstances change around them.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: the closest of friends and companions eventually go their separate ways .
Notes: The image trades on an ordinary agricultural fact, a season's cornstalk outlasted year after year by the farmer who planted it, to make a resigned rather than a bitter claim about the natural end of even good associations.
48. Togbó togbó là ḿrí agogo.
Literal: Togbó togbó constantly-together là ḿrí agogo is-how one-sees the-bell.
Idiomatic: The bell is always seen in the company of its ringer. (Owomoyela)
Meaning: Some pairings are so constant that seeing one party is effectively evidence of the other's presence.
Used when: Owomoyela's gloss: said of things or people that always go together .
Notes: A near-neutral entry compared to the trust and betrayal material above, it is included here because Owomoyela closes the "friends and acquaintances" section on this observation, ending the theme on simple, ordinary constancy rather than on suspicion.
Reading these proverbs
Three observations specific to this theme.
The material is more clear-eyed than sentimental. Proverbs praising the rarity of a friend who would die for you, entries 4 and 43, sit beside proverbs warning that even a sibling can betray you, entry 15, and that a three-year friendship proved Judas capable of exactly that, entry 28. Owomoyela's own arrangement holds both attitudes in the same section without resolving them into a single verdict on whether friendship can be trusted, which is itself evidence that Yorùbá speakers reached for different proverbs depending on whether the moment called for warmth or for caution.
Reciprocity is treated as a mechanism, not a virtue to be praised in the abstract. Entries 9 through 14 name specific, almost formulaic exchanges, favour for favour, grievance aired for grievance aired, taboo disclosed for taboo disclosed, as the literal maintenance procedure for a friendship, the way one might describe servicing a piece of equipment. Entry 12 then qualifies the whole run: shared food and mutual favours build closeness, but Owomoyela is careful to print alongside them a proverb stating plainly that this closeness does not by itself guarantee trustworthiness.
Betrayal in this material tends to come from ordinary loyalty gone wrong rather than from malice. Entries 31 and 38 both describe a friend who draws a person into carrying an enemy's burden, not through treachery but through the ordinary pull of obligation; this is a notably different picture of betrayal from outright deception, and it belongs beside this corpus's file 17 on enmity and reconciliation, where the same mechanism, obligation dragging a person into someone else's fight, recurs from the other side.